Faith
by EnishiYukshiro
Summary: Katan ponders his faith


Faith  
  
Author's Notes: Just a little something I thought up. Random and plot less really. Just Katan musings. Still, its not that long so I hope you can suffer through…wait, I just made it seem not all that appealing somehow, didn't I?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel Sanctuary or any of its characters. I wish I did. I really wish I did. You have no idea how much I wish I had my very own Rociel. You have no idea how much I wish I had my very own Zaphkiel. …. Erm…that's not the point here is it? Don't sue me!  
  
  
  
It was Sunday. Almost five o'clock in the morning. No one would be at church for a while now. The churchgoers had not even climbed out of their beds at this time. Not like the old days when people would have been long up and doing chores, Church being the resting time of the week. There was a lot more faith then. Times were different.  
  
Katan wondered how these humans were able to keep up their faith when even he doubted. No one knew how things really were. All the angels were just as sinful as the humans and heaven's rigid political system was more corrupt than this world's. Katan had thought he might find some peace of mind in this holy church. It seemed reasonable. He was an angel after all. Nonetheless, he was just as restless as when he was in the abandoned remains of a church he momentarily inhabited with Rociel-sama.  
  
He was slumped against the sidewall. If the time had been later, he would have had a perfect view of the pastor as he gave his sermon on topics Katan was not sure about. They preached of God. Katan had never met God before. He did not know of anyone who had, save Rociel-sama. He severely doubted in there was a God anymore. No more divine grace. Only stupid politics. They would preach about Jesus too. They would preach about his love, his forgiveness. They would speak of him as if Jesus was God instead of his father.  
  
Katan had known Jesus. He had been a good kid. Katan had liked him. Katan had been in a terrible state back then. Rociel-sama had been sealed on Earth. Katan had thrown himself into his military training, trying to find a reason to go on. Then he had met Jesus, Son of God. They had talked awhile. He had been a kind, forgiving sort. He had managed to give Katan a sense of purpose, to go on. Although Katan had still longed for Rociel-sama, he would be able to go through daily life normally again.  
  
Jesus was gone now. Dead, probably, though Katan was not entirely sure. Katan was with Rociel-sama again and should be happy. But Rociel-sama had changed. He would not return to heaven with him to retake his throne. Instead he lingered here on Earth, obsessed with thoughts of his sister. Katan suspected insanity. For the first time Katan thought of the irony of the situation that this sinful, insane angel would rein supreme over heaven. He dismissed the thought quickly, ashamed of himself. He would entertain no such thoughts. Rociel-sama was perfect.  
  
The door to the church opened with a heavy swing. Katan looked up, slightly startled, but could not find it in him to move. Someone was walking towards the front of the church. Katan heard the jangle of keys as they were put back into the person's bag. From his clothing and belongings, Katan reasoned he must be the pastor. He knew he should leave, but did not. He just sat, slumped against the wall. His arms hung limp by his sides and there was a lost expression on his normally stern face.  
  
The pastor froze, realizing there was someone in the room. His hand hovered above the light switch as his eyes darted around the room. He almost did not notice Katan. The angel was as still as death, shrouded in darkness. His form was barely visible in the shadows.  
  
"Who's there?" The pastor asked, nervous.  
  
Katan was silent for a moment. If he had been thinking straight he would have disappeared right then. Then again, if he had been thinking straight he would have been long gone by now. He realized he was depressed at that moment and sighed heavily with the realization.  
  
"An Angel." He answered truthfully.  
  
There was another hesitation from the pastor before he finally flicked the light on. Katan met the man's curious stare.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" The pastor asked. His voice was uncertain but still held a note of kindness to it.  
  
"I needed to find a place to think." Katan answered quietly. He still had not moved. Although the pastor was still uncertain and a bit afraid, he moved towards Katan.  
  
"Is there something wrong?" He asked. The pastor's voice was now kind and understanding. Katan wondered just how pitiful he looked to be receiving this. Katan hesitated, not knowing how to answer. He had never talked with a human like this before.  
  
"Yes." He answered finally. "I've lost faith."  
  
"But you said you were an angel." The pastor said. A slight smile played on his lips. Obviously he had thought Katan's earlier statement was a joke. Katan could hardly blame him.  
  
"I am." Katan returned.  
  
The pastor hesitated there. He wondered for a moment if this man here was insane or just playing around.  
  
"Whatever could cause an angel to lose faith?" He asked in a serious tone. He was playing alone with the young man, but wanted to help as well. The pastor could tell he was depressed.  
  
Finally Katan stood up. He had his stern military look about him again. The pastor hesitated again, afraid.  
  
"You humans know nothing." Katan said harshly. "Your prayers rarely are answered. God doesn't care. Jesus is gone. The one controlling heaven now keeps that power through terror. Now heavens only salvation lies in an angel who refuses to reclaim the great throne. Why? Because he refuses to admit his sister will not love him!"  
  
Katan's eyes widened in horror at what he had just said. He could not believe those words had even escaped his lips when he had not permitted himself to even think them. The reality of the situation fell upon him then. Tears stung his eyes and he stepped back from the pastor.  
  
"No. Forget what I just said." Katan said softly. "Keep you're false faith and meaningless hope."  
  
The pastor looked uncertain as he faced the young Cherub. Katan backed away into the shadows cast by a pillar of the church and faded from view.  
  
He was uncertain as to where the man had disappeared for a moment. He stepped over the pillar with extreme caution. When he found out the man was no longer there he began to search the entire church with no result. All the while the words spoken by the man would not leave him. All through the day they continued to echo in his mind. Even as he preached God's words to the masses, those blasphemous proclamations would not leave him. He wondered later if that man had really been an angel.  
  
Katan watched the pastor that evening as he went through his day. He had nothing else to do at the moment. He watched unnoticed as he thought to himself. Humans were the lucky ones. They did not have to question their faith nearly as much as angels did these days. They were the lucky ones.  
  
Later, when Rociel called for him, Katan came at once. He came and obeyed his master's every wish. It mattered not to him what it was…he obeyed all the same. Still, while he did so he could not help but wonder. He wondered just what there was to believe in anymore. 


End file.
